I'm not on welfare, so what business is my fertility of yours?!?

This may sound extremely weird and probably makes zero sense but I've been dreading telling everyone about this baby for years now. My heart told me about this last little soul when my current "baby" was about six months old, she is now 2 years, three months old. I knew then as well as now that absolutely no one was/is going to be thrilled about this baby.

It all started back when I was pregnant with my current "baby" (instead of current "baby" from here out out I'll refer to her as Miss. B). I went out to breakfast with my mom, step-dad, grandpa, uncle and my (then) three kids. As we were saying our goodbyes I made a comment about the next time I saw my Uncle hopefully I'd have my baby. For some reason he got confused and thought I was saying that after the baby I was currently pregnant with, I would have another one. When he realized that was not what I was saying he flipped out.

"I thought you were going to have another one after that one! I was like holy hell! How many kids ya gonna have?!?! Ahahahahahaha!" The rest of my family, including my own kids joined him in his hysterical fit of laughter.  Immediately this whole scene struck me right in the heart. So what if I wanted another kid after this one? Why did they seem to care so much? I don't ask any of them to babysit or for money. I felt very sad. I felt like a joke.

So now here I sit and aside from telling my husband, I do not look forward to telling anyone. Which is extremely sad because I truly wanted this baby with my heart of hearts! I achieved a goal that I really wanted to achieve. A goal that I honestly did not think I was going to achieve. And now I feel like I can't even relish in my victory because of all the judgment that will immediately be thrown my way. I can hear it all now . . .

"Five kids?!? Who in their right mind can afford to have five kids these days?!"

"Another kid? Holy hell, ain't she got her hands full enough as it is?"

"What is she possibly thinking? She's almost 33 for Christ sake!" (In UT it is custom to pop out as many kids as possible between the ages of 20 and 30. After that you are considered "mid-life" or "old".) 

"What a HUGE age gap between kids! I can't believe she'd do that!" (My oldest will be 13 when this baby comes)

"That's just not fair of her to bring another kid into that messed up lifestyle they live!"

"They better not expect me to ever baby sit five kids!"

"Did she turn Mormon and not tell anyone?"

"What does she think its her job to repopulate the god damn Earth?"

"Three kids with three different dads! At least now she'll have a pair by the same man!"

So as you can tell, I'm not expecting much support. After I tell DH the plan is not to tell anyone else and let them figure it out for their damn selves! No need to make an "announcement" when I'm convinced all I'll get is put down for it. It won't be difficult for our friends to figure out. The very second  I say "No thanks" to an ice cold Bud Light every one of them is going to know I am pregnant. I DO NOT REFUSE BEER . . . EVER. The only exception I've ever made is during pregnancy.  They won't mind that I'm having another one, they'll just be a little disappointed that I am out of the drinking scene for the holidays.

As for our family members I need to come up with some catchy come backs. Something along the lines of
"My vagina! My business! My vagina! My business!"
or
"Well you know we just LOVE to have sex SOOOOO much! I mean we just can't EVER keep away from each other We're like RABBITS!!!"