There is always a last time.

One week ago today I found out that I am going to be a mama again. For the fifth and final time in my life. I am overjoyed because within my heart of hearts I knew that this soul was absolutely needed to complete our family. This feeling of fulfillment brings me irrefutable relief that I have not had in . . . well probably ever.

 I have yet to tell anyone, including my husband of the magnificent, tiny life growing furiously within me. (Which as made for the longest two weeks of my life!) My hubby works out of state for 21 to 28 days at a time. This child is going to be a huge surprise for him and since it is definitely our last, I feel that I must tell him in person next week.

I won't lie, I'm stressing just a little bit about breaking the news. He wasn't sure he was 100% on board with having another child. In fact, it became such a sore subject a couple of years ago that we both started to shut each other out which caused our marriage start sinking fast. Thankfully we gave it one last shot and luckily found a great couple's therapist who realized we had a communication problem and not an actual relationship problem. We learned to communicate and our marriage flourished. We were best friends again!

I was elated to have my partner back but after a little bit of time the need to complete my family grew stronger than ever. I began "trying by myself" if that is even possible. (Initiating sex when I knew I was ovulating. Trying to get him to go inside of me by certain positions and or faking an orgasm when he was ready to "go" in the hopes that he wouldn't pull out. A couple of times I even mixed him a couple of super strong whiskey and cokes right before bed thinking it would slow his reaction time.) Needless to say, none of it worked. I've come to the conclusion my husband is a fucking "pull-out-pro".

Time was running out; my youngest child was now two my original thoughts had been to have another child by the time she was two. Also being in my early thirties . . . I don't want to be raising/popping out babies forever!

Depression started to try and sneak its ugly way in as this dream of mine was ticking away. Thoughts constantly spun my head, clarity was non existent. Upon realizing what was happening I put to use what we learned in therapy and had a talk with my husband.  We came to a compromise; as long as I would not "try" to get pregnant (meaning no ovulation predictors, no basal body temping, etc.) He would start being more lenient with his "pulling out" method and if it was meant to be nature would take its course. We would go on this way until the end of this year. Due to work schedules this gave us only three possible tries. (Meaning only three times left in the year where he would be home anywhere near my fertile time. I refrained from sharing that tid bit of info with him, as he would probably have looked at it as "trying" but hey, I can't help that I know my cycle that well!)

 To my absolute shock and amazement, we got it on the second shot!

I expect my hubby to be pretty stunned when he gets home next week and I finally break the news to him. Even though he agreed to be open to it in the terms we set forth, I don't think he ever expected anything to come of it. In fact when we speak over the phone he keeps talking about going on  a turkey hunt right when I am due. I just keep telling him "Hmm. Maybe Hun, we'll see."
I sure hope this next week goes by faster than the last one! I am one moody bitch so its getting more difficult to hide!